Listening Deeply – The First Act of Christian Coaching
By Gary Rohrmayer
Pastors and ministry leaders often assume coaching is about having the right answers. In Scripture, though, wisdom begins with listening (Proverbs 18:13). In a noisy, hurried age, listening deeply is more than a soft skill—it’s a spiritual discipline, a leadership posture, and the engine of genuine transformation.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them.” Before we instruct, we attend. Before we advise, we absorb. Deep listening dignifies the image of God in the other person and creates the relational trust that makes courageous growth possible.
The Biblical Injunctions for Listening Before You Speak
The Bible has a lot to say about listening and responding appropriately to those in our lives. Take a few minutes to reflect on the wisdom of Solomon concerning this issue:
“He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame.” (Proverbs 18:13)
“A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.” (Proverbs 18:2)
“A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.” (Proverbs 11:12)
“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” (Proverbs 25:11)
“A man finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!” (Proverbs 15:23)
Why Deep Listening Matters
Listening is love in motion. Coaching is fundamentally about helping others move toward God’s purposes in their lives. Gary Collins defines Christian coaching as helping people turn potential into reality through intentional guidance and support. That guidance doesn’t start with direction; it starts with attention. When we listen well, we communicate, “You matter. Your story is worth our time. God is already at work here.”
Listening unlocks awareness. Tony Stoltzfus notes that great coaching questions create awareness and momentum, but questions only land when they grow out of attentive presence. Deep listening notices words and the weight behind them—values, fears, assumptions, and longings. Awareness catalyzes repentance and creativity far more effectively than advice alone.
Listening builds trust, and trust accelerates change. Steve Ogne and Tim Roehl argue that transformational coaching rests on trust, not technique. Trust is built when leaders feel consistently heard—especially when they are processing setbacks, failures, or ambiguity. Over time, people become more honest with a coach who listens deeply; honesty shortens the learning curve.
Listening honors teachability (coachability). J. Robert Clinton’s work on leadership development emphasizes responsiveness—a humble openness to feedback and correction—as a hallmark of leaders God uses. A coach who listens cultivates this responsiveness. As leaders hear themselves think and feel truly understood, they become more receptive to challenge, accountability, and next steps.
The Fruit of a Listening Culture
When leaders are consistently heard, they become braver (willing to face their real issues), clearer (able to embrace reality and desired outcomes), and more committed (because the plan is theirs, not merely ours). Churches and organizations led by listening leaders become safer for confession, quicker to collaborate, and steadier under stress. Over time, deep listening multiplies disciples who can self-feed, self-lead, and serve others—because they have been patiently, prayerfully, and practically heard.
Bonhoeffer’s counsel still stands: our first service is to listen. In Christian coaching and mentoring, that first service is often the greatest.
Extra: Have you ever participated in a self-assessment of your listening skills? Consider taking this free self-assessment that we provide.